Life of Light

My Morning of Re-Perspecting

2011-07-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

Life has been a whirlwind in the last month or two. Filled with so many good things, certainly! A sweet family reunion, time spent in His creation and a couple of amazing youth mini$try trips, all interspersed with work and time with dear friends. Yes, so many good things.

In the last week, however, after the conclusion of all those amazing events, my mind has begun to look ahead toward the quickly-approaching end of life as I know it, and the sheer amount of logistical/spiritual/emotional/financial preparation that will be necessary in the coming 3 ½ months has begun to overwhelm me. Added to all of that is my resistance to change and my annoyance at having to deal with the inconvenience of a move that will happen before I had planned.

It has become clear to me this morning, as I write this and spend time with the Savior of the World and the One Who has never left – and will never leave – my side, that I have done a fine job of not surrendering my every moment to Him Who is completely trustworthy.

A few thoughts on the matter:

1. Oswald Chambers, in My Utmost for His Highest (July 28), asks, “What is my vision of G0d’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me…. What He desires for me is that I see “Him walking on the sea” (Mark 6:49) with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see “him walking on the sea.” It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to G0d.”

2. I was created FOR HIM. Not for myself. “You are not your own.” (1 Corinthians 6:19) This is not a bad thing, nor a restrictive thing! It is quite possibly the most freeing truth we, as believers, may ever know!

3. . This world will pass away. Says so in 1 John 2:17 and elsewhere. It is not for me, then, to hold on so tightly to the world, or to give the things of the world (including relationships, work, mini$tries) so much importance that I begin to worry about them as they slip from my grasp. It is only for me to know God and to love Him and to delight in Him.

4. “Find rest, O my soul, in G0d alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on G0d; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for G0d is our refuge.” (Psalm 62: 5-8)

Indeed, let the moving begin! :)

The Mist of Life

2011-03-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

We are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. (James 4:14)

This truth has been proven to me again and again in the last two weeks. Proven by the loss of a co-worker and friend, Ruth Bowen. Proven by the loss of a wonderful man of God and the father of one of my dear middle school girls, John Kelly. Proven by a snowboarding accident that resulted in a brain injury of one of my dear friends, Beth Born. Proven as I gently washed the face and removed the lines from the body of a woman who had just died in the hospital, who a sliver of time earlier had been speaking and smiling and living.

When people around us pass away or devastating accidents occur to people close to us, our minds often recount our last interactions with them. I remember talking about church and spiritual struggles with Ruth in the hallway by the nurse’s station during one of the many weekends we worked together. I remember talking with John when he picked up Shea after Girls Group. I remember sharing the delight of snowboarding and a hug with Beth right before I left the mountain early, right before she slammed into a tree. I remember the reports of the beautiful smile and laughter of the woman in the hospital now lying in a grave.

It is stunningly clear: we are a mist.

The waves of mourning come for those of us remaining in this foreign land. A constant deluge for a time. Then in ebbs and flows. But rarely do the waves altogether cease. Rarely does the ripple flatline.

But the pain is only allotted to us, as visitors of this earth and runners of this life race, until we have reached the goal (Philippians 3). And this will be a crazy joyous day, just sayin.

A few thoughts regarding this thing we humans call death:

1. In C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters, two devils seek to weaken a new Christian. One of them, the senior devil, warns the other:

“ They, of course, do tend to regard death as the prime evil, and survival as the greatest good. But that is because we have taught them to do so.... The long, dull, monotonous years of middle-aged prosperity or middle-aged adversity are excellent campaigning weather. You see, it is so hard for these creatures to persevere…. The truth is that the Enemy, having oddly destined these mere animals to life in His own eternal world, has guarded them pretty effectively from the danger of feeling at home anywhere else.” (chapter 28)

2. In Phillipians, the book known as the epistle of joy, Paul says so very clearly, “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in death.” But don’t end there. Why in the world would Paul want to suffer? “To attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

3. John 16:33 – “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

And so we continue to suffer. Pain – in countless ways – continues to scald us and wash over us. But not for long, people. Not for long. J

A Precious Sight

2010-10-12T00:48:00.000-07:00

I was on a plane today sitting next to a dear, elderly woman - probably in her 80's - who was flying to Seattle to visit some of her grandchildren. We talked for awhile of life and family and traveling and her embarrassment about getting to the point of needing to use a wheelchair. And then we noticed a small boy about 2 years old sitting 2 rows ahead of us.

The woman started smiling at him, and his eyes lit up, instantly enthralled. She contorted her face into all sorts of shapes, widening and squinting her aged eyes, pursing her worn lips, blowing her wrinkled cheeks out, and scrunching her weathered nose - all for the sake of connecting with this small, 2 year old boy. And he loved every minute of it. His look of interest turned into a smile, which soon transformed into giggles of glee.

The bonding of an elderly, gentle woman getting nearer and nearer to leaving this earth with a young boy who had just recently entered it. What a precious sight!

Wes' Story

2010-10-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

Katelin and I had just learned to knit and crochet from two brothers in their 50’s, Chris and RJ. They frequently sold their needlework wares at the Saturday market and also taught knitting and crocheting “classes” to anyone on the street who had an interest in learning the art along with the desire to listen to their ceaseless banter. Check and check: we were in. After spending some time talking about how they got their starts in the realm of needlework, their families, their past, and working clumsily to create a few rows of knitting, then purling, then knitting, we decided to offer our gratitude for the training and the conversation and move on to be blessed by other homeless men and women of downtown Portland.

We got up and moved to the outer ring of the gathering that was taking place under the Burnside Bridge, looking for people who seemed lonely or available. Suddenly a man approached Katelin and me, wearing 3 coats on a warm September evening and walking with a slight limp and a hooked cane.

In a rough, accusatory voice, he dryly stated, “Let me guess. You guys are volunteers.”

“Yep,” I hesitantly replied, not knowing where this conversation was headed. We had driven the two hours down from Olympia to have the privilege of being a part of the weekly Thursday evening event called “Nightstrike,” put on by Bridgetown Ministries. Dinner was being served, clothes and sleeping bags distributed, popcorn popped, hair cut, feet washed, nails cleaned and filed, litter picked up, and prayers and encouragement offered.

The man continued, “Let me tell you why it’s wrong that I knew you were volunteers just by the way you looked. It’s because of this” – he held up his cane – “that I go into coffee shops and other places and they refuse to serve me, all because of the way I look.” He shook his cane back and forth in emphasis. Before I could respond, he blurted, “so right now, I need 2 straight up dollars to get on a bus.”

My mind struggling to follow the seeming spin in conversation, I replied, “I’m sorry. I don’t have any cash on me at all.” The truth. But another wrong answer in this man’s eyes. “This is the problem with you volunteers. You don’t have cash because all you carry is plastic. Well, I had to earn my way in this life after Vietnam, and you all” – he waved his creased, life-worn hand at us – “get your education and credit cards and everything else given to you by your parents. You don’t have to work for it at all. Now right now, I need two straight up dollars so I can get myself a beer.”

“Not a bus ticket,” I stated.

“Of course not a bus ticket. And of course I wasn’t going to ask for money for a beer because you wouldn’t have given it to me. Let me tell you something, it’s not your business what I spend my money on. I need it, and that’s all you should care about. Now I know you know people here who have some cash, so go ask one of them for a couple of straight up dollars.”

This man had a tough exterior. Really tough. But I wanted to get deeper than the exterior. What was going on in this man’s life that made him so coarse and angry. Not responding directly to his plea for beer money, I held out my hand and offered, “My name’s Kristin, and this is Katelin.”

Hesitantly, he shook my hand and said simply, “Wes.”

“Hi Wes,” I said. And somewhat randomly, yet cutting straight to the point, I continued, “Thank you for serving in the military. Can you share your story about Vietnam?”

His face darkened and he shook his head. “No. And don’t thank me. There’s not a place in Heaven for me because of what I did there, so don’t thank me. I’m not worthy of it.”

My heart rate increased because of the untruthfulness of his comment. “No,” I said, “no matter what you did there, you can be free from that. You can be forgiv….” “No,” he cut me off forcefully, “there’s not a place in heaven for me!” Perhaps he had already heard about the forgiveness offered by Christ’s death. Perhaps he even believed it for other people. But the burden he was carrying would not allow him to believe that his own sins were covered by the death of Christ.

I pressed him, perhaps foolishly. But not willing to remain shallow, I urged, “Tell me your story.”

His already angry demeanor worsened, and his voice became louder and louder throughout his account, but he willingly shared.

“In Vietnam, they used to drop bags of candy from the air for the children, bags that looked something like this.” He held up his half-eaten sack of popcorn. “Then one day, a very small girl” – he held his hand up a little below his waist - “came up to us and stuck one of the candy bags out toward us.” Wes suddenly shoved his bag of popcorn into my sternum, knocking me backward a bit. I tried to suppress my surprise, and willing him to continue, I held my stance and my gaze. By then, his voice was loud, and he was making emphatic hand gestures.

“Except that there wasn’t candy in the bag. There was a bomb. This little girl’s parents had sent her over to us to blow herself up. I watched as my friend and the girl exploded, and then I started firing at anything that moved. I killed men and women and children. And babies. Even babies who had bottles in their mouths. I killed them. When the bomb exploded, I just started shooting everything.”

I looked for emotion on his face and found hardness. My heart broke for this man of 61 years. His actions during a horrible war had left him with an unbearable burden, and he had carried this burden for decades. I wanted so badly for him to find freedom, a deeper freedom than he could have ever imagined fighting for. If only he would realize that no matter what he had done, those things could be forgiven by a God who had already paid the debt for those actions.

Our conversation ended with Wes backing away into the crowd, his hand waving in anger and guilt, continuing to adamantly proclaim that there was no place in heaven for him, refusing to listen to words of Truth.

I do not know what it is like to fight a thankless war, take part in a killing spree in the name of self-preservation, and then live under such an agonizing weight of guilt for 40 years. But please pray for softening. Pray for release. For freedom for all who are yet unwilling to accept the definitive sacrifice that Christ gave. Please pray for Wes.

exorbitant exclusion

2009-08-06T10:57:00.001-07:00

the pain and sorrow, the disappointment,
expressed in my soul as i learned
the news of exorbitant exclusion
from that of which i yearned

surprised, oh my heart, and hurt
but hurt and surprised be not
for such passions are of this world
from expectancies of haught

my being is fraught with avarice
with thoughts of deservedness
yet the Lord, alone, merits all
to Him, may i ne'er give less

rest, oh my soul, for this hurt be not for e'er:
my home, this world is not
may all of my life be lived for Him
for the days i own are naught

Ape Cave and Bear Grass

2009-06-26T14:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had the privilege of hanging out with my long-time friend, Suzanne. We spent the day in the Mount St. Helens area, hiking the entire length of the 2+ mile long Ape Cave and checking out the St. Helens area. It was beautiful and full of wildflowers, and it was wonderful to catch up with Suzanne again!!

Touching the end

Suz told me to frolic among the wildflowers. So here I am, frolicking... ;)

Right before descending into "The Crawl," a 35 foot lava tunnel formed by three interconnecting tree molds

Doin "The Crawl"

The flowers were prolific. And magnificent!

At the Main Entrance of Ape Cave

Oh, Suzanne, you're so photogenic! =)

The Stuff of Life

2009-04-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the forecast called for record high temperatures and nothing but sunshine and blue skies. So naturally, I opened up my calendar, picked up my friend Beth, and jetted up to the Mountain for some late-season snowshoeing. Twas a wonderful, wonderful day, filled with great conversations, laughter, warmth, encouragement, and refreshment. Twas a day of delighting in the promises and goodness of our God.

I completely got sunburned, even though I sunscreened twice! And it was SPF 30, not SPF 4, thank you very much! =) So I'm continuously slathering on the Ocean Potion Aloe with Lidocaine, generously donated by BJ&Melis.

After we got back from the Mountain, I quickly showered and headed off to Girls Group with my Jr. High girls. We went to get some ice cream, laid a blanket out in the day's last rays of sunshine, and thoroughly enjoyed discussing the stuff of life. I have been greatly blessed by each of my girls. They have snuck into my heart in ways that I never expected, and I am so privileged to be able to share in their lives.

Then, I was off to the other Koning's for some 24. I love my monday nights with Brian and Melis! Being able to share the victories and hardships of Jack Bauer with people I love - well - it can't get much better than that!

Snow and Sunlight

2009-02-06T13:00:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday, the whole world was working.
Well, everyone except me.
And the forecast showed nothing but warmth and sunshine.
And I had been dying to get out of town and into the mountains.
Simple solution: I went snowshoeing.
Solo.
And let me just say, it was a sweet day!!

The snow had a tiny, trace layer of ice on top, and powder beneath, and with every step I took, a delightful crunch filled the still mountain air. And whenever I climbed, or walked side-hill, or descended, every piece of snow that I dislodged succumbed to gravity and went scurrying down the thin ice layer, creating a sliding, soft swooshing sound.

The sunshine filled the crisp air with warmth, and I spent the entire day in complete freedom from the weightiness of a coat, hat, or mittens. The sleek snow intensely reflected the sunlight, and sunglasses were a wonderful necessity of the day. The scent of the mountain was sweet, refreshing, and simple, filled with hints of melting snow and subtle pine swirled about by the light breeze.

I love spending time with God in this way, surrounded by the largely untouched portions of his beautiful handiwork. I love praising Him in this way, my own awe of Him complimented by the declaration of glory given to Him by His creation. Life is crazy sometimes, and I often don't understand what His purposes in my life are. But He is Good, and I will choose to rejoice and delight in Him, together with the mountains and hills and trees (Isaiah 55).

See the Sundog?

Storm Story

2008-12-22T14:51:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you...it's been one crazy week! Mostly due, of course, to the unusually wintery weather that's been continuously hitting western Washington (and, apparently, the rest of the country as well). Transportation has been pretty bad, and I realize I completely take for granted going to the grocery store for 'just a minute' or taking a 'quick jaunt' over to a friend's house. The only thing that's 'quick' these days is the rotation of your tires as they spin out, trying unsuccesfully to navigate through the snow!
It's snowed over a foot up here on Tumwater hill, and Sunflower Lane has not once been plowed! I know that full well, because as I was trying to get to Matt&Amanda's house last night, I got very stuck about 15 feet from my parking spot (even though I was trying to go downhill!). I tried to put on chains with a couple guys in my apts, somehow got the chains stuck in my axle (i know, i know: not the smartest thing I've ever done!), realized I couldn't even move my car without the risk of breaking my brake line or whatever else is around there, called AAA and was told nobody would be able to help me cuz they were all too busy, and called a few tow truck services and was told they were refusing to go up Tumwater Hill because it was too dangerous. I ended up leaving my car right where it was for the night, hoping nobody would slide into it, and was so very grateful to be rescued by Tom and Matt, who safely transported me to Matt&Amanda's home for a night of adventure.
This morning, after being driven back up the hill, I called AAA again and they sent a tow truck out for me...finally! He couldn't make it up Sunflower Ln, but walked up, magically got my chains out of my axle in about 10-15 min and helped me get down the lane. Problem solved - thankfully!
It's really cool to see how everyone comes together to help each other out at a time like this. There have been so many people stuck, but people are so willing to stop and take time to lend a shovel and some strong pushing muscles for the cause of anti-stuckness. Yep, it's definitely a season of giving! =)

Michelle and I live in Apt building 39. The foreground damaged carport occurred around a week ago when the icy conditions caused a huge RV to slide right into it.

I thought I'd conclude this storm story with a contrasting shot of dryness and warmth: here's the first fire that Michelle and I had in our fireplace, taken around a week ago. It was wonderful!

Dry Creek Trail and Lake Cushman

2008-10-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Melis, Abigail, Mark, Matty and I headed out to Lake Cushman and hiked along the Dry Creek Trail. This is the same trail where Brian&Melis heard the low, gutteral roar of a mountain lion just a couple years ago. There were warning signs about the big cats at the trailhead, but thankfully, none were heard or seen while we occupied the trail. The weather, although threatening to rain, turned out to be quite pleasant: mid-50's, cloudy, but only a few wandering sprinkles. The autumn colors were gorgeous and the trail was matted with large, soft, bright yellow leaves.

We passed these little falls there and back, and on the way back Melissa very randomly put her head under and drank three large gulps. I was aghast and chided her for drinking beaver-fever water, but then gave into the very strong temptation myself, and had my own gulps of very refreshing goodness. I'm not sick as of yet, so hopefully we were lucky. Mark, prob very wisely, opted out of our little water russian roulette game.

My favorite part of the trip was hiking along the eastern edge of Lake Cushman in an area filled with very large old tree stumps. The trees were cut in the 1920's when the city of Tacoma built a dam on the North Fork Skokomish River, thus enlarging the lake.

Here I am, pointing with humor and disbelief at the action that resulted in Matty looking like.....

this! Clearly, Matty (aka Spot) was in paradise and loving every minute of it!

As always, the star of the show, showing off her walkin' skills....

Glacier National Park '08

2008-10-22T12:08:00.000-07:00

Here's another long-overdue blog: Last July, we had a family reunion at Glacier Nat'l Park. All of the immediate family was there, as well as Grams, Aunt Eileen, and Uncle Ron&Aunt Karen and Anna. It was such a wonderful time of relaxing, spending time with each other, and spending time in the beautiful creation of our Creator.

The whole fam

Doin a little P&W:

The picking of a fine musician (aka Steve Man Koning)

Up and coming guitarist, Dillon Michael Koning

More Dillon:

Aunt Karen, Grams, Anna, and Aunt Eileen: playin some cards

Mom, this one's for you! Zoom in if you so desire

Sharing some good ol' Cheerios:

Dillon: "Ooh, this is a perfect time to pull Mommy's hair!"

The sisters: Mom and Aunt Eileen

Steven, finding himself in an all-too-familiar precarious position

Abigail, chillin in the arms of Uncle Steven (BTW, nice VSP plug, Steve!)

Oh, the beauty!

Sisters: Serena and me

My other sister: Melissa and me

Padre and me

Ansel Adams style:

Mi hermano y yo:

I really, really like this picture:

And this one too:

Blongo Ball: Steven vs Aaron

We watched a homemade fireworks show on the 4th, just a mile or so from our cabin. This is us, waiting for the big show to happen: BJ's trying to make a scarier face than normal, Steven's holding the puppy who adopted us as his family for the evening, Aaron's trying to be a pirate (Arghhh, Matey!), Serena's chillin in the back, I have a daisy in my hair for some completely unknown reason, and Annie's proving herself to be a very candid photographer, just like her dad.

More Blongo Ball: Aunt Eileen vs. Me

The cousins:

Of Beauty and Bears: Mt. Rainier

2008-10-12T10:09:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, BJ&Melis and Abigail, Brian&Joslyn and Hudson and Bristol, Michelle, and I headed up to Mt Rainier to enjoy the sunny autumn day. The views were gorgeous!

We also saw this guy (or girl?) - a black bear! He was hanging around the brand new visitor center, apparently wanting to welcome all the visitors to the park! At one point, Brian and I were doing the whole Poparazzi thing, and trying to get closer to him for a better shot. We prob got within about 15-20 feet of him before finally taking off in the other direction. It might not have been the smartest thing I've ever done, but it was pretty fun!

The rest of the Poparazzi!

At the end of the little hike we took, we heard a low rumbling sound that was intermittent, sometimes lasting just a second, sometimes lasting much longer. Although we didn't see the mountain moving, it was probably the sound of the new snow causing small avalanches or rockslides!

Sweet Baby Girl!

Mount Ellinor with Matty '08

2008-10-08T15:33:00.000-07:00

In August, on a weekday, Matty and I decided to take our annual trip to Mount Ellinor, a steep (elevation gain of ~2400 ft) but relatively short (~3.5 miles round trip) hike in the Olympics. It rained a bit on us, but the skies cleared when we reached the top to reveal the beauty of God's creation that we had remembered from the previous year.

Matty and I also saw some sweet mountain goats! How is this guy not sliding down the cliff?! They're certainly some amazing, sure-footed animals!

At one point, Matty and I rounded a bend and immediately saw this goat. In an instant, I knew Matty wanted to chase him, which would have inevitably ended with the goat scampering down the steep cliff (in control), and Matty following (out of control). Matty had already had some fun frollicking with....er.....chasing another goat we had seen just a few minutes earlier, so in my calmest, yet most demanding voice I could muster, I ordered Matty to stay put. She must have sensed the danger in chasing this one into his own steep, dangerous territory, and decided wisely to obey my command.

More goats:

The views:

Big Creek Falls

2008-10-08T15:03:00.000-07:00

On one of our beautiful August weekends, Michelle and I decided to go up to the Snoqualmie area, and hike 10 miles round-trip to Otter Falls and Big Creek Falls, both of which cascade down huge 45-degree cliff faces. We spent quite a bit of time at Big Creek climbing up and around the falls.

A close-up: Threads of light reflecting the soft, cascading water.

Michelle and Matty, scampering up the steep embankment:

Michelle, traversing the fallen logs.

Flipside Adventure Trip '08

2008-10-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

Hey all,
I came across a quote the other day, by some guy named Comte DeBussy-Rabutin:
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."

Random, perhaps. But speaking of absence....After a long one, I'm back to the world of blog.

Way back in July, I went with my Jr High Youth Group (called The Flipside) to the Mount Hood area for a rousing time of adventure. In three point five days, we packed in a road trip, a high- and low-ropes course, "The Swing," rapelling, rock climbing, white water rafting, Capture the Flag in the dark, a tent-pitching race, cooking for the multitude, a scary late-night ghost story, and some very sweet times spent with our God and each other.

(disclaimer: many of the following images were taken by Tom or Joe, the other leaders on our trip)

Braving the rapids!

Geared up for The Swing

Nate and I cruisin in the rented minivan

Katelin, pointing to the cliff face she just rapelled.

Joe at the bottom, ensuring the safety of the rapellers.

Searching for my next handhold

Our empty table at camp

Our full table at camp

Mmm, good! Fine dining in the great outdoors!

Could be a commercial....

Telling scar stories:

One of our first group challenges was finding a partner, making him/her a sandwich, and feeding it to him/her - all without speaking one word! Can I just say that it was a very humbling experience being fed by someone else. And it definitely had the potential for danger - watch out for those thumbs!

The high, very scary log - prob the most challenging part of the whole trip for me, and many others! We worked our way up to doing it blindfolded and backwards!

Kyle and I: Balay is on!

The whole bunch of us: